The Resurrection

I don't know where to begin. It's all so ironic. Most people are happy at acquiring a job in this bad economy; I was happy to lose mine. Now my lost job is suddenly re-gained, risen from the dead like the "killed" antagonist in a movie, who, with a blast of music, reaches out and grabs the ankle of the heroine, for an encore battle.

Here's how the story goes. Originally, the principal told me my job was being cut because they had too many teachers. It's no secret that three people in the Administrative clique don't like me, so they were probably overjoyed at the tight-budget basis for a lay-off.

But when my principal sent the paperwork to the Board of Education, they informed him that my job cannot just be "cut" because I am tenured in the secondary system! My school had not done any background research; they had just assumed I was only in my second year because I'd been with them two years. This is my sixth year in the system altogether, and apparently there is a tacit understanding within the state system that one is tenured after x number of years. It's very tacit because I had never been told by anyone, anywhere, that I was now officially tenured.

Anyway: A few days later, upon learning this, the principal called me into his office again and said that it would be so much better for my career if I simply resigned. He held out a pre-written letter for my signature. He said if I didn't resign, they would now have to change me to the category of "Non-renewed, not recommended." Why would I not be recommended, I asked? Oh, because of classroom management, he replied. But he couldn't give any specifics. In fact, there has been no documentation of bad classroom management, only the Curriculum Director standing outside my door once and hearing noise coming from the classroom. The Assistant Principal heard noise too---because I had allowed two high-performing students to create a Jeopardy game based on the literature, and the students were playing it---and making noise because they were having fun. What a sin! I told him that hearsay and rumors do not constitute poor classroom management. It has never occurred to any of them to actually look at any of my graded papers or the variety of tasks and assignments and projects I give, or the like. It's all about the noise level.

I said no to the resignation. What if I someday needed to collect unemployment? (I didn't mention to him that my SAT grading pays far better than unemployment, and it would be one heck of a last resort to have to collect it.) But still, I said no resignation and that I'd get back to him. Meanwhile I called my union rep. I belong to the Georgia Association of Educators, which offers free legal consultation. My rep said not to resign. Instead, he said, I must request that the principal send a letter stating the reasons for my dismissal because if they were going to claim incompetence, I am entitled to a hearing, and they had darn well better have documentation. The irony in all this is that my annual evaluation observation this year by another unbiased AP was Satisfactory (you can only get Satisfactory or Not) and the principal himself had signed yet another document three days earlier stating that I was Satisfactory in all categories.

I waited a week from the time I notified the principal for the letter. In the interval, he tried intimidation tactics. He called me into the office to ask about a near-fight that occurred in my room between two girls. I had assigned the students to write a How-to paper, describing the process of how to do whatever topic they chose, from sports to cooking to make-up to hunting. At the last minute, I decided to have them do this in the form of brochures in a Publisher program on the computers. After all, use of technology is one of the Georgia standards, and---forgive my sin of wanting them to have some fun---doing brochures on Publisher would allow for some color, creativity and clip art, along with written instructions. One of two girls mentioned above made a mean brochure about the other girl. I wrote up the girl who did it, and she got 5 days ISS. The AP asked to see a copy of the brochure, so I sent it. When the principal called me in again, he wanted to hear from me what had happened. He had a copy of the brochure in front of him. I explained the assignment and what had happened. With a look of disgust (no doubt at my poor judgment at having them do brochures instead of old-fashioned papers) he dropped the guilty brochure into a file that was labeled with the name of our Curriculum Director. I immediately got the impression it was a file in which they will accumulate evidence documenting what a bad teacher I am. With a wave of his hand, he dismissed me the way Judge Judy does: "That's all." I was tempted to resign at that moment. During the week since that meeting, several people in the school told me they have to offer me a contract for next year because they screwed up. All week I waited and did nothing. I didn't want to hear the response to my letter. They might send a response listing all the ways I am horrible, and I just didn't need that. Getting through the week, with finals and hyper students, was enough to handle.

All week, Liberto and I avoided discussing the issue, or at least I did. But I knew it was on his mind. On Thurday, I got angry and demanded that he tell the truth---wasn't it true that he wanted me to return to that job if I was offered a contract after all? I would have loved it if he had said, "No sweetheart, I don't want my true love to go through all that; we'll make it on my salary, blah blah blah." But that's not what he said. I do believe he's concerned about the bigger picture and the longer run. He pictures me as an old lady, perhaps alone, with the life insurance all gone, living on cat food, without a lifetime pension I can count on, other than social security. But the way he has acted this week has actually made me feel more strongly about being financially independent from him. He's been bossy. He's been crabby. I never want to be so financially dependent that I can't make my own choices or take a vacation from him if I needed it. Ironically, this makes me lean towards going back to the job.

In any event, here's what happened yesterday. I received a brief email from one of the Assistant Principals telling me that my new classroom for next room will be room 118, and that another teacher was to swap with me and move into the portable. I took that to mean that they're being forced to keep me and that a contract will arrive in the mail sometime soon. I could have asked her for further details, but I really didn't want to. I preferred the temporary peace of not knowing. Because when and if a contract comes, then there will be decisions to be made, such as, am I willing to go through this for another year? Will the differences in outlook between Liberto and me grow bigger? If I do go back, will I resent him for wanting me to; if I don't, will he resent me for a major setback in our retirement plans?

The other teacher who got cut and who doesn't have tenure has sent out 37 resumes in the last few weeks to all the school systems in a 20-mile radius. She's heard squat so far. The job market isn't exactly thriving. Another teacher who resigned because she doesn't like being there told me at first that her husband gave her the ideal answer when she said she was resigning: "Of course, darling, I want you to be happy and that's all that matters!" but later she confided in me that they are up to their necks in credit card and student loan debt, because he has a la-di-da attitude about money and about the future. And she doesn't have another job yet. That gave me pause too. Hundreds of thousands of teachers across the country who have been cut, from California to right in my very own district, would gladly grab my job if they had the chance. A lot of stress, yes, but also very high pay and only three classes. Sigh. Paid summer vacations. Health, dental, flex accounts.

Once, long ago, I romanticized the idea of poverty (along with millions of other back-to-the-land people). I have to keep in mind that I may be doing the same thing now, imagining myself at home full-time hanging clothes on a line and baking bread, with Lifetime movie music playing in the background. Maybe we could live on Liberto's salary, but would we begin to feel the tension every time the annual Hurricane insurance policy arrives or the car needs a new set of tires, etc?

I don't know yet what I'm going to do, but I have the feeling that I may have to suck it up for another year, at which point I might be able to buy three retirement years from my three years at FMU, for a total of 10, which is what I need in the Georgia system for a pension. If I do go back, I am going to do something really nice for myself at the end of the year, as a reward. Maybe a trip to Italy or London or Amsterdam. I'm sure if I go back, they'll be ready to pounce on me like a duck on a junebug each and every day for anything they perceive as wrong. This time, they'll document it. On the other hand, I might just go back to piss them off.