Somehow, it is already March 23, and the 11th graders are taking the high school graduation tests this week, which means that we've turned the corner onto the last stretch. I'm so tired.

This past weekend, I needed an escape, so Paul and I watched the entire first and second season of Breaking Bad on dvd, and loved every second of it. We watched all day Saturday and Sunday, and finished in time for the premiere of the third season Sunday night. For anyone unfamiliar with the show, it's about a high school chemistry teacher, diagnosed with lung cancer, who teams up with a former meth-head student to sell the best meth in town. Because he's dying and earns $43,000a year as a teacher, he wants to leave money for his pregnant wife and teenage son. What quicker way than selling drugs, especially for a chemist who knows how to brew the highest quality meth in the tri-state region? The show is fascinating because we see the tension of this good-guy character hiding his alter ego as drug lord from his family, friends, and colleagues, even while angry dealers and underworld creeps threaten to seep through the cracks into his regular straight life. There's also the vicarious thrill of seeing him stack those lovely-looking blocks of hundred dollar bills into the wall, under the insulation. Every drug sale yields hundreds of thousands of dollars. The show also brings the viewer into the world of drug dealing, which is much more interesting and complex than a Law and Order episode would have us believe. Thus, I escaped from my never-ending school work for the weekend, and then paid the price Sunday evening when I wasn't very prepared for Monday.

The weather has turned nice. The Japanese pear trees in the neighborhood are in full bloom. Birds have built a nest in the hose wheel just outside the bedroom window. We won't be able to use the hose for a while! A few weeks ago, Liberto got rid of the patio furniture because it was old and a little rusted. I'm on the look-out for a new set because the weather is nice enough to sit out there for morning coffee and newspaper. It's my sanctuary out there, in front of the koi pond. We actually bought a new set at Home Depot, and then had to return it immediately when we discovered we couldn't fit the table in the car. I've been looking for one on-line from any store that will deliver.

Mostly, I've spent the last few weeks trying to survive to the finish line of summer vacation, though I'll settle for spring break week after next. I'm worn out from the 5:15 alarm and the daily expenditure of all my energy in the classroom. The weekends feel like a race against time, and they are: get the groceries, wash and iron the clothes, do the errands, AND prepare a week's worth of activities that will fill up seven hours per class. I was chatting on the phone with Phyllis a few days ago, and she, too, is tired. Even at the university level, the workload is increasing and the expectations growing, while the salaries decrease. She said her dream is to have a job that does not require after-hours work, a job you come home from and forget about until the next day. Wow, that sounds delightful.

One of the married teachers at my school was abruptly fired last week for having an affair with one of the students---another teacher who seized the guy's cellphone found the text messages between the two, and the whole thing blew up. Her husband, another teacher at the school, may be quitting because he's embarrassed about it all. Supposedly, he's filed for divorce. Gasp, a scandal!

Shawn texted me about a week ago saying he received his orders to be stationed at Ft. Campbell, KY, beginning in about two months. From there, he could be deployed overseas.

I loved the picture of the Hawaii koi on Sharon's blog. Liberto has joked that we could sell our koi as a source of income if need be, but I couldn't. They're my dear pets and they're one of the props in my little escape world out back. Derek called and said they're going to Cozumel at the end of May, and invited us to come along, so I eagerly looked up prices and dates. I would love to go again! If Liberto's mouth tightens, maybe I'll just go myself!

Dear Ann Landers' Famous Question

Ann Landers always used to ask "Are you better off with him or without him?" No, I'm not asking myself if I'm "better off with or without" Liberto, Heavens no. He's a keeper. That famous question was Ann Lander's tool for helping undecided, unhappy wives determine whether to go ahead and divorce their guy, or stick it out with him. Exploring the question "Are you better off with him or without him?" caused wives to examine the bigger picture, rather than become apoplectic over his annoying little habits and file for divorce immediately. Today, I'm asking myself whether I'm better off with or without my current job.

All employees were told to submit a statement of intent by Wednesday, declaring whether they want to return next year. This is not related to whether they will actually be offered contracts. The administration merely wants to tally up the remaining pool of faculty from which they can select the lay-offs. I've been asking myself whether or not to submit an intention of staying, knowing full well that I might be going anyway when the budget cuts come in. I have a lot of questions to ask myself: from a professional point of view, with an eye towards future jobs, is it better to quit before I'm canned, or is it better to "intend to return" and then be canned? Will I seem more pathetic if I "intend to stay" and then they don't want to keep me, like some myopic high school girl who clings needily to her cold boyfriend until the day he dumps her in front of everyone in the school lunchroom (I've seen it happen). In other words, will I seem more dignified if I break up first? On the other hand, do I have the guts to reject the chance to keep a less-than-perfect but high-paying gig in the twilight of my working years? I'm sure there are millions of unemployed people who would jump at the chance to have my job. Surely, I should at least make the overture of interest now.

And then there's the unthinkable---what if by some bizarre twist of irony, they do decide to offer me a contract in May. Do I want it?
Am I better off without or without this job, if the choice is mine? The visceral and the logical butt heads.

I've got to admit, it's been wonderful not worrying too much about money for the past few years. Not that we're going on any European vacations at the moment, but the basics are easily met with a lot of breathing room, and I'm so grateful, especially when I hear stories on the news of people struggling. So the plan is that I'll probably submit an Intention to stay, and see what happens next. That is, if a student doesn't talk back to me between now and Wednesday, which might change everything.

Spring, at last

The weather today was warm, sunny, blue-skyed, and March-like, for the South. That horrible two-month cold spell has finally relaxed its grip. During this endless winter, Savannah had 30 nights which were below freezing. I hated it. Although it's not really spring, (i.e., the azaleas aren't blooming yet), today's temperature was a harbinger of sweet, sunny days to come. Liberto and I went to Home Depot for supplies to spruce up the house for Monday's appraisal, and I eagerly bought some beautiful flowering plants for the front yard, in bright reds, yellows, purples, and white. The appraisal value, whether high ball or low ball, won't really matter in the process of the refinancing since we have plenty of equity, but as a matter of pride, we've been racing around trying to fix odds and ends so our home won't look like the Ewell's home in To Kill a Mockingbird. Two neighbors told us that their houses immediately lost thousands in value when their appraisers came by for refinancing, due to the slumping market, so I'm expecting ours will too. But no matter, we're getting a phenomenally low interest rate on a 15-year mortgage, with the plan in mind of being able to have the house paid for at the time of L's retirement.

Our long-time friends from Atlanta, Roger and Debbie, are coming to Savannah on Sunday for a conference, and we'll meet them for dinner on Tuesday. I've known them since we occupied the same block of Married Student Housing in Baton Rouge, in 1980! Roger was beginning his Masters Degree at the same time I was beginning my Ph.D. We became couples friends, though I was still with Maynard. Two years later, Roger finished his Masters and decided not to pursue a Ph.D., so they moved to Atlanta, where he got a position at a private high school. He continues to work there today. When I re-surfaced in their lives with a new husband in the mid-80's, they had no trouble adjusting, and we've remained good friends since. Most of the time, we go to Atlanta and stay at their house; I don't think they've been down here to visit for at least 10 years. We're excited about seeing them.

The latest from the state of Georgia is a prediction of 4,000 layoffs within the university system, due to the budget crisis. Things aren't looking too hot for the secondary system either. I continue to think about whether to explore possibilities for two-year-degrees within health care. Let's face it, my career in education is most likely over. Liberto wants me to have a viable career and pension possibilities in my own right, so that if something happens to him and the life insurance money doesn't stretch into my 100's, I will have something reliable.

We've been working all day trying to pick up the house. Paul went to the landfill twice to drop off junk. I told Liberto this morning that we need to pick the top 5 things because we just can't do it all. I have a pile of student folders to read too, and have to plan activities to keep the restless kiddies occupied for a full 90 minutes every day, all week. The frustrating part is that I often spend several hours creating tasks that will take them a fraction of the time to do.

The Governor has decided to introduce a new bill that would financially reward teachers whose students perform the best. Hah! Many teachers have written letters to the editor patiently explaining (as though to a mentally challenged child) that students' performance is much more tied to family background and income than anything a teacher does in class?