The Main Resolution

Resolution Number 1: Find a way to stop letting my job take over my life. Most of the problem is me: I've always had this tendency with any job I've ever had. I'm either on the job, or the job is with me, wherever I am. Go away! Shoo!

Step a. Find a way, somehow, to leave thoughts of work at work.

Step b. Bring more fun into my life after work hours. Forget the piles of papers and the endless planning. What does it matter, really? The students don't care if they get papers back, nor whether the class is well-planned. The administrators who observe the class will find something wrong no matter how much time I put into planning, so what the hey. Instead, see friends more on weekends, go to Tybee and walk the beach, plan trips, read more pleasure books, write in my blog, finish the children's book I'm writing for grandson.

Step c: Stop neglecting vanity, such as nail fill-ins or the occasional shirt or new shoes.

Step d. Relax about job performance. It can't be any worse than any other teachers' and may even be better. I know one teacher at my school who sleeps during class, and she's still there!

Step e: Stop spending personal money for supplies. Sonny's $100 gift to all teachers last fall, sweet touch that it was, is long, long gone, but that doesn't mean I should be funding my classroom supplies. I can use the extra money for a trip next summer.

Step f: Consider trying to transfer to one of the Title I schools, such as Savannah High. At least with Title I money, the hallways and supply budgets are lined with gold, so to speak, even if the students are rough.

Step g: A new gym opened just down the street from our community! L. already has been going to his downtown gym three times a week for the past five years. The city pays for it. Three months ago, P. started going to weight training at a gym in Garden City. I couldn't go to either gym because of their inconvenient locations. But this new gym is within walking distance from my house!! I plan to join tomorrow, and will use it to work off the on-the-job tension. I love walking and pilates, but a treadmill and bicycle will be a boost to the endomorphins.

Hasta luego; or How Operating on Spanish Time Creates Stress

Dec. 28: The intensity begins a few days before he leaves. It's a thick energy field that spreads through the house as L. opens drawers and slams them closed while he looks for items to pack. He swears and mutters as he rummages through the closet, sliding hangers along the rod. A tightness settles upon his face as he moves through the house collecting medications, credit cards, papers, presents, to pack. The sight of the suitcase on the bedroom floor sends the dog into a depression. He sinks to the floor, sad face on front paw.

Two nights before his departure for Venezuela, the suitcase lies open on the floor, with its future contents piled up across the bed or stacked on the floor. Between packing sessions, he talks on the computer via the Skype program with family or friends in Venezuela, probably verifying the details of when he'll arrive or what they'll do. I crawl into bed, trying not to disturb his stacks of clothes. The last thing I hear as I fall asleep is rapid Spanish conversation.

The next day, he leaves for work in a rush, mug of coffee in one hand, three eggos balanced on the other, as he hurries out the door. He has a lot to finish up today to cover everything for the two weeks he'll be gone. He has a headache, he says. His allergies are bothering him. His stomach doesn't feel right. His joints ache. I assure him it's nothing but travel anxiety. During the day, I iron the shirts and pants that he wants to take. He returns home that evening with a bouquet of roses and card, for our anniversary---I have given him a card that morning---but he doesn't want supper, says his stomach is a little upset and only wants arepas. I assure him it's nervous excitement. He spends the evening talking into the computer, packing clothes, pacing the floor, turning in mid-pace to rush back to another room for a forgotten item.


Departure day, he has already left for work when I wake up---exhausted as I am, I sleep like a baby during school vacations. Mid-morning, he calls from work to remind me that he'll be home at 12:30, and on the way to the airport, we'll pick up something to eat and also stop at the bank. He needs a certain amount of cash because he'll get a poor exchange rate if he draws it from our account while in Venezuela. The flight doesn't leave Savannah until 5:30, but he's nervous about arriving by 3:30 since Continental requires a 2-hour pre-flight arrival. Last year, when he was returning from a trip to Seattle on Continental, he was supposed to arrive one hour before the flight, was a few minutes late due to heavy traffic, and they wouldn't let him on the flight, even though there was plenty of time and no line.

Departure day, he arrives home from work at the appointed time, but absolutely has to double check the new webcast camera that he's taking to Venezuela to go on G's computer. We have a similar camera on his laptop, which he uses to talk AND see cousin Carlos and others. He's been testing both cameras using his laptop and another one of ours. He's psyched about having a camera at both ends to connect him with the familia when he's here, and also to be able to see us in real time while he's there. But right now,at 1 o'clock, departure day, he can't get the two cameras to work when he sets them up on different computers in different rooms. He runs between rooms fiddling with this setting and that, moving the eyeball-like camera to yet another laptop in the house, and is visibly distressed that he can't get a picture on one of them. I keep saying, "We'd really better leave" and he keeps saying, "Just a minute, just a minute; I'm going to get this thing to work!" The intensity flows like choppy waves through the air; I just want to get out of the way, sit quietly in a chair and continue counting the high school yearbook's Senior Superlative votes, a task that I've been working on. But I can't begin that or anything else, because every few minutes he calls for me to go to Computer Number 1 or Computer Number 2 and click this or that. The hour ticks by, and in the end, he can't get the connection to work. It's now almost 2:30. Each time I say, "We'd better go," he insists that we WILL get the camera to work. But we don't. He'll have plenty of time in Venezuela to try to hook it up from that end, so it's not the end of the world.

Finally, we're backing the car out the driveway. The traffic is very heavy going into Savannah, with post-Christmas shoppers. I remind him that we need to grab a bite on the way. P and I have both been starving but waiting to eat on the way. I assume he'll swing through some window and let us grab a burger, but he wants to eat inside because he's particular about keeping the inside of his car pristine. So we go inside, and of course it takes twice as long as it would have if we'd been allowed to eat in the car just this once. By the time we get to the bank, it's well after 3:00.

The line to the drive-through window is long, so he asks me to go inside the bank and wait in the lobby line because it might be shorter. Key word, might be. It isn't. When I return to the car, having withdrawn his required amount, it's 3:25, and now he's in a frenzy of anxiety. The traffic is still thick as he hurries down Abercorn, planning to take DeRenne to 516 to 16 to 95 to the airport. As the traffic crawls along, he taps the wheel impatiently, mutters under his breath, groans, breathes heavily. Suddenly, he twirls the wheel to the left to cut over through a side street to White Bluff, which connects with DeRenne. As he
races down the side street, he sees that White Bluff is also jammed with traffic. He swears, sighing loudly, his face drenched with anxiety. I work hard to refrain from saying one of the many things I'm thinking at this point, ranging from "Maybe we could have left the house earlier" to "Maybe we should have driven through the McDonald's window." He's gas-and-braking along White Bluff, inching in and out of lanes, brazenly cutting between slow-moving cars. We get onto DeRenne. Every red light elicits a fresh expulsion of tension. Finally, onto 1-16. The traffic is heavier than I've ever seen. It's now 3:50. He's sure he'll be too late to be allowed on the plane. He drives rapidly up 1-95. Soon we see the sign for the airport, exit on the right. A long line of cars is moving off the highway into the same exit lane ahead. They have stopped at the light, but are turning left for Wal-Mart, so L. scooches along the right side of the exit lane, bypassing the line, turns right at the light, and hurries along the airport road. Half a mile later, the road forks into "Arrivals" "Parking" and "Departures." It's now 4:00. He hops out of the car, grabs the luggage from the trunk, and tells P. to walk in with him to make sure he can get on the flight, while I wait in the humming car. Five or ten minutes later, he and P. come out the door with smiles and thumbs up signals. He has checked in his luggage. He's good to go. Luckily, he'd printed out his boarding pass at home, which made all the difference.

Okay, I admit it. As P. and I drove away, I was not unhappy to see him off. I'll begin to miss him in a few hours, but the intensity was beginning to get to me, sucking me into the vortex. I need a short break from it, okay? I know you understand!

Low-key Christmas, just the way we like it

Dec. 25: Ever since he was a child, P. has rarely wanted anything for Christmas. He has always had to think really hard to come up with anything he wanted, unlike many children, myself included back in the day, who submit long lists of hearts' desires to parents or Santa Claus. I remember making a particularly long list when I was about 12, during some of the roughest family years. I even illustrated the items on the list, a plaid skirt of certain style and colors, a cardigan sweater that had to be a certain shade of bright red, and on down the list. Probably it was a wish list impossible for any reasonable parent to fulfill, let alone a depressed mother who spent much of her time in bed. That was probably my point. The list was my denial of the situation, some dream world idea of an imaginary parent who would drive around town until she found exactly what I wanted, right down to the texture, colors and style of 20 different outfits. I imagine, in retrospect, that the Christmas season for her was horribly stressful, with three greedy (or hurting) children to buy for, the Christmas cards to send, the relentles cultural pressure to spend and spend and give and give as nauseating sleigh bells and crooned songs blared over intercoms in department stores.
Since L. and I married, 22 years ago tomorrow, we have established a tradition of modest Christmases with no pressure. In the beginning, we were so broke that we had little choice. For P's first Christmas, all we could afford was one plastic truck from Walgreen's, nothing for each other, though we didn't care about that. As the years went by and the circumstances improved, we still liked our low-key Christmas, maybe one thing for each other. Even in recent times, since becoming an adult, P. can never think of anything he wants; he claims he already has everything he wants. I feel the same way. Other than winning a $100 million lottery so I can retire and travel the world, I couldn't think of anything I desperatly wanted this year. P. finally said a few days before Christmas that he'd thought of something he wanted, a new electric razor to replace his broken one. I picked one up at Wal-Mart. S., being the neo-hippie that he is, dislikes extravagance, and seemed grateful to receive only one item.
Fortunately, people today feel much freer to ignore the cultural pressure than my mother's generation. I know I do.
Christmas Day started on a bright note, with my grandson phoning at 8:30 to thank us for the marvelous 1,000 piece Lego set. (Now for him, Grandma and Grandpa WILL drive all over town looking for just what he wants!) I was still sleeping when
he called; L., already awake, bright and cheery, answered. When L. handed the phone to me, I probably sounded drunk, as I forced myself awake. Also talked to D. When I told him I'd just woken up, he replied enviously, "Oh, I forgot there's nobody under 20 in your house, so you can SLEEP!"
We watched a majorly hilarious, two-hour Robin Williams stand-up on DVD that S. had gotten for L. and laughed till it hurt. L. cooked a nice brunch. Then we went to the movies to see a late afternoon showing of National Treasure. Back at home, L. cooked dinner. That evening, a Cold Case marathon was on, so we watched show after show until midnight. A lovely Christmas Day. I'm so grateful to have the affection, attention, and peace that I so craved as a 12-year-old.

Lazy, disembodied day

Dec. 24: S.'s plane finally arrived at 1:30 a.m. this morning. The whole trip was confusing and irritating to him. All airline personnel, from clerks to flight attendants, had no information about anything, all day long. I got the same feeling from my end. From 11:30 p.m. on, I kept calling the departure and arrival hot line every 10 minutes, and kept hearing the recorded estimated time of departure from Atlanta to be 10 or 15 minutes in the future. After midnight, I wasn't sure whether to punch in "today" or "yesterday" when prompted about the flight. It was supposed to have left "yesterday" but hadn't, so was it now a "today" flight? "Yesterday" triggered the information that the plane had departed at 1:10 a.m.; however, it was now only 12:35 a.m., so I switched to "today" and kept hearing of the postponements.

At 12:45, I called S's cell phone and was told it was "out of range", so I had the feeling the plane had departed from Atlanta. This, plus the recorded "estimate" that it would leave at 12:40. I roused L. from his sleep and we drove to the airport. He waited in the car while I went in, hoping for some genuine information from a living human or an information screen. Not one airpline person was working throughout the whole terminal, not one! The information screens had no reference to any incoming flights! Now I was really getting nervous. Using my cellphone, I called the hotline once more, and that trustworthy recording now said that the plane HAD DEPARTED ATLANTA!!! Was estimated to ARRRIVE IN SAVANNAH at 1:49 a.m.

When the plane was finally announced and the passengers flocked into the waiting area, I scanned the crowd, fearing, of course, that S. somehow missed the plane. What a relief to see that reddish hair and thin, firm frame in the distance, with his distinctive walk. We got home at 2:15 a.m., and I cooked him an instant pizza and gave him a cold beer. We talked briefly, but I'm not a night person. I fell into bed at 3 a.m. I haven't been up that late since about 1968. This morning, I heard L. roll out, late, and rush around getting ready for his work, but I was able to fall back asleep. The cat bothered me a few more times, but I was able to shoo him away and doze off. 10 o'clock! I haven't slept that late since I can't remember when, probably the '60's.

I've felt jet-lagged today. After coffee, I drove to Wal-Mart to stock up while S. slept like a rock. Later, P., S. and I went to the mall just to walk around. P. isn't a huge talker, but S. is. He can start a conversation about anything and talk non-stop until the end the day, flowing from one subject to the next,never running out of thoughts. When S. is around, P. sits back and listens, as I do too. We're listeners more than talkers, so it works out well.

Christmas travel jitters

My cell phone rang last night while L., M., T. and I were eating our Indian cuisine in a cozy booth. The smell of garlic and tumeric wafted through the air.
"Mom?"
"Oh, it's D.," I told the others. But no, in a few seconds, I realized it was really S., whose voice sounds almost identical to D.
"Wanted to let you know that my cell phone isn't working," he said. "In case you try to call me tomorrow at the airport, I didn't want you to freak out if I didn't call back."
"Okay," I said.
"I figured since I'd be staying with you for the next few days, I'd wait on paying my cell phone bill," he continued. "But I'm going to give you Shane's cell number so if anything comes up before I leave for the airport, you can call him."
I wrote down his friend's number.
"I go through Chicago, and I heard it's storming there, so if you hear of any changes in the flight, call Shane."
When we got home, I hurried to the computer to check weather.com and flightdelays.com as well, and yes, O'Hare had been closed and flights delayed because of a ginormous blizzard. But that was last night. Airlines seldom know what their plans are until about five minutes before take-off, often even later. I recall a godawful flight from Savannah to Philly in Oct. 2006. Apparently, they decided to leave on schedule despite a Nor-easter in the New England area. The plane, ensconced in thick cloud cover, bounced and rolled and twisted, as the pilot flew around and around Philly in a holding pattern, until they could decide whether the storm would pass, or whether we'd be flying to another airport. They could not have thought of this before departing Savannah? Most of us are equally familiar with the abrupt cancellation of a return flight, no reason given, taking the shuttle back to the hotel, minus suitcase already checked in, and spending another night away from home.
Knowing that airlines do not plan 24 hours ahead, I decided I'd wait until this morning to check the weather. But first, Sunday morning, we took some students out for breakfast at IHOP, and then L's desire to buy the perfect black dress for Mamita, size petite 18, turned from a quick errand at Penney's to a long walk back and forth through the mall, to Penney's, Belk's, Sear's, SteinMart, and finally Macy's, where we found the perfect dress. Then, on to Fresh Market, to get a certain type of international coffee that we'd tasted last time at M's and T's. From there, on to Best Buy to get an Ipod for nephew Francisco. The entire excursion took hours, so when I got home, it was almost one o'clock. I checked American Airlines's on-line schedule and saw that S's flight out of Phoenix had been delayed by an hour, according to the website. This meant he would miss his connection in Chicago, and probably end up there overnight.
I called American and spoke to some representative who said another flight leaving Phoenix at 12:15 went through Dallas-Fort Worth and would connect in Atlanta early enough to catch the last plane of the evening to Savannah. I could change it at no cost, she said. Trouble was, I had no way of contacting S. to tell him to take that flight, and I didn't want to risk changing the flight without his knowledge, in case he ended up on neither flight, which would be just his/my luck. The rep said she could leave a message at the gate of the flight he was supposed to take, and that he could re-book it himself IF he got the message. I decided to call his friend Shane to see if they'd left for the airport yet. Shane answered and said, "Yeah, I dropped him off about half an hour ago." I told him I needed to speak to S., and he then informed that I COULD call S. on his cell---he could receive calls; he just couldn't call out on it. If I'd only known...
I called S., and reached him just he was going through the security gate. "Can you hold on a moment; I have to put the phone through the X-ray machine." I waited and waited, listening to the beeping, bumping sound of the inside of the x-ray machine. Finally, S. returned to the phone. I told him about the different flight. He hurried to the gate, phone in hand, and after a few muffled exchanges, he told me, "They told me that flight just left, and it was full anyway."
"How could it have left; it's only 11:15 your time and it was scheduled for 12:15." He said he didn't know. Turns out, I found out later, that Phoenix doesn't go back from daylight savings to regular time like the East Coast does, so they're only TWO hours behind us, not THREE as I'd thought. The point was, the flight wasn't available, despite what the American rep on the phone had said. He asked me to call American again to find out about other flights to Dallas-Fort Worth, and to call him back. I ended up on hold for 10 minutes with another American representive who checked on alternate flights. She broke through the elevator music to say that it would cost $1,000-plus to change the flight. I told her it was out of the question at that price, thanked her, and called S. to tell him to take his original flight to Chicago.
"Oh, I was able to change it to Dallas Fort-Worth, for free," he said.
At least, it had better be for free. They couldn't charge up an extra grand onto my card from afar, without my verbal consent, could they? Now I'm feeling very paranoid about that.
Meanwhile, it is now 8:25 in the evening. An hour ago, I called S's cell phone and he'd indeed made it to DFW. He was vague about the flight from DFW to Atlanta, wasn't sure what time it departed or what the flight number was, and even more, wasn't sure of the flight number he would take from Atlanta to Savannah. Claims he's not so good at reading ticket itineraries or boarding passes, and what's more, sounded very crabby and out of sorts. Air travel at this time of year could do that to anyone, I guess. He thinks the flight from Atlanta leaves at 10:40 p.m. But I couldn't get a straight answer. He swears it's on American, from Atlanta to Savannah, but I checked American's web, also Delta's, and there's no flight that I can see that leaves at that time. I'm nearly as frazzled as he must be from trying to make this visit happen.

Ah, the pleasure of a day off

Dec. 21: Yesterday was the last day of school before the very brief break---it gets shorter every year. What a sweet treat to sleep past the usual 5:20 alarm all the way till 6:15 on a weekday. Pete had to be at the vet's at 7:30 for his first dental surgery. For a dog his age, his teeth have been in excellent health, but the plaque is building up. When I got to the kitchen and looked out the glass door, I could see that it was pouring buckets, and the fish pond level was almost overflowing the banks. I got drenched outside as I scooped a few large buckets of water out of the pond, but it was like trying to drain the ocean with a teaspoon. It was still dark, so I went back inside hoping the koi would have sense enough to stay deep below until it got light enough for me to go back and drain water by turning the pump/fountain on its side to shoot the water stream onto the grass. Coffee and the newspaper. So nice not to rush. I drove Pete to the vet's. He's always excited about going there and greets the employees with panting excitement. When I returned, it was light enough to drain some pond water.

That taken care of it, it was time for my big treat of the day. About a year and a half ago, my son D. and his wife gave me a gift card to a spa in Savannah, and I'd never used it. Always too busy, with the long hours, and the piles of papers. A week ago, as the holiday break pended, I decided it was high time I cashed in the gift card, so called and booked an appointment for a haircut. I have a regular hairdresser I go to for cuts and color, but going to a spa stylist would be something special. It was still raining as I drove downtown. Sections of road were under water, too deep to drive through, so I took some detours, but finally got to E. Oglethorpe, where the spa is located. The place is ultra sweet-smelling and tranquil. Soft, slow music. A goblet of spring water as refreshment. One closed off room for haircuts, unlike my regular hairdresser's, where all the clients are lined up together, heads covered with foils and dyes. At the spa, the hairdresser, named Fadima, I think, was quiet and classy, and best of all, she gave me a lovely cut, with a slightly different interpretation as the other stylist.

My next stop was Barnes and Noble at Oglethorpe, where I bought the book The Namesake. Now, at home, the day has meandered on, as I attempt to pick up clutter, do laundry, watch corny Lifetime movies, and enjoy the time off. Tomorrow night, we're meeting Mark and Terry for dinner at the Indian restaurant, Sunday morning, we're taking the five or six yearbook students who have designed the pages so far, for a thank-you breakfast at IHOP, and Sunday night, S. is arriving from Phoenix to stay a few days. By then, I should be on a vacation sleep cycle such that I can manage to stay up till 11:30 p.m. when his plane arrives. L. is leaving for Venezuela next Thursday, to stay a few weeks.

I'm not ready for Christmas. Until yesterday afternoon when I drove away from the school, I hadn't had time to think about anything except keeping up with the curriculum, juggling papers, and containing the emotional aftermaths from the never-ending dramas. It's like treading water in the ocean during a storm. You can't just relax and forget about it, or you'd be swept under. As of this moment, I haven't even purchased gift cards to send to my son and daughter-in-law. Obviously, even if I do that today, they won't arrive on time. I managed to whip off three Christmas cards this morning, but may never get past that. I'm too tired. I just want to sit in this chair in the television room, drink coffee, and watch Lifetime movies. Glancing out the glass kitchen doors in the distance, I can see the sun lighting up the back yard trees.

Tightwad Nonsense

Dec. 4: Last Sunday, a popular local female columnist wrote about thriftiness. Her mother is sensible and frugal, the columnist wrote, because she catches the drippings of water from under the sink and uses them to water the garden. She re-uses paper bags. She runs around turning off any lights in the house and keeps the thermostat at 65 in the winter. How admirable. I’ve heard it all. But as a former counterculturalist who was all gung-ho about living the Thrifty Life to save the planet and the cash flow, I’ve concluded that the popular Tightwad movement of the last decade is a crock.
It’s an illusion that attracts middle class people mostly—the rich don’t need to worry, and the poor are already squeezing nickels till they scream---and gives the believers something even better than the money they imagine they’ll save, and that is a sense of control and self-restraint that feels as good and righteous turning down a piece of chocolate cake. With our country’s Puritanical heritage, strands of that old belief that excess is sinful and denial is godly remains in the culture even today. In a country of abundance, people indulge hugely with every “vice,” from eating and drinking to spending lots of money, and then are expected to feel remorseful, like an alcoholic the morning after a binge, and choose abstinence, whether it be from drinking or blowing money on luxuries. The Tightwad movement was popularized by that housewife Amy Dascyznski or whatever her name is, who used to go around the talk show circuit explaining how much money she saved by washing and re-using her aluminum foil, saving string, and shopping at Good Will. The idea sells well on Amazon. But come now, is it the high price of aluminum foil that hits people hard in the budget?
No, the real budget bruisers come from the areas in which people generally have little or no control: taxes, illnesses, car problems, job losses, moves, broken appliances, dental work, leaking roofs, and the like. All the money saved from recycled water drippings and the lower electrical bill would not even put a dent in the cost of the new valves for the car. People can and do work hard all their lives, live frugally, save money, pile up pennies like Silas Marner, even re-use aluminum foil, but then if the unexpected strikes, their savings could be wiped out. My sister, for instance, worries all the time. She has health insurance, but the deductible is $3,000 and it pays 80% of any medical problem. The cost of the remaining 20% of, say, a major surgery, would be off the chain.
If it makes people happy to do the little things to cut the electric or water bill, super; the saved money might be enough for a dinner for two at a nice restaurant. But these petty savings probably won’t protect a person from the big-ticket bills. I wish, therefore, that authors and gurus would stop smugly presenting the little thrift tips as the solution for a perfect and prosperous life. I also wish gullible people would stop buying into it, literally and figuratively.