Burn-Out

Five-fifteen, and I just walked in the door. Paul now needs me to help him review his Psychology and Marketing class material. He says I explain it so well.

I think I'm burned out on teaching, as a career. Because of the state budget cuts and lowered property taxes, classes are larger this year. Worst of all, somehow, the kids are ruder and less interested in learning than last year. In each class, I have at least 3 or 4 bad ones who drain all of my attention. I suspect this is a schoolwide problem. One of the AP's put out an email asking if anyone would like to earn $20 per hour helping him phone parents this afternoon---he had 70 parents to call today! Yesterday, I wrote up two students in one class for roughhousing, shoving, pushing each other. Today I wrote up a girl in another class for being rude. The conversation was something like this:

Her: (Sudden loud showing-off outburst!) WHOOP! WHOOOPPPPPP! etc.
Me: Be quiet, Ariel!
Her: (Rudely) I wasn't talking to you.
Me: Well, I'm talking to you. Be quiet.
Her: Get outta my face. My mama don't get in MY face like that.
(I was three feet away, not in her "face").

Write-up alert!


I keep a log of student behavior, and I don't write up students for the first offense because I've heard the administration doesn't want a lot of write-ups; they want you to handle it yourself. But for high school students, there are no privileges to take away---in elementary school, you could make them stay in from recess, for example---so the biggest leverage is ISS. They hate it because they're isolated from their friends.

I hope I have better students next semester, or else learn how to be so terrifying and evil that they wouldn't even dare twitch in my presence. Even if I did learn to
be ferocious and cutthroat, I would feel false, because that's not me. Do't get me wrong; I'm not sweet and gentle in the classroom. But apparently, also not vicious enough either.

Liberto would be furious if I resigned or if I were downsized. The more income we have over the years, the more he worries about money; isn't that ironic? He would have a fit if I proposed this, but if we had to, I actually think we might be able live on his salary now, and I could piece together a living by teaching part-time at Armstrong and Savannah State, grading SAT's, and doing free-lance writing or tutoring, etc. Ohhhhhhhmmmmmmmm. Deep breath. I wanted to try to stay at it for four more years after this one.

Last week, I had a sub lined up for the two days we went out of town for Shawn's graduation from Ft. Jackson. I found out on Monday when I returned that the original sub had not shown up. Another sub was found, but didn't get there for 20 minutes. My students were apparently in the class alone. When the sub got there, someone had poured lotion or yogurt or something all over my computer keyboard and monitor. The AP was summoned over. All the student denied it; said it was like that when they arrived. B**** S*****!! I had locked the door when I left on Tuesday afternoon; Wednesday was a school holiday. Thursday, when class began, they must have entered from the other teacher's door on the other side of the portable. By the time she discovered that they were unsupervised, one of them had ruined my keyboard.

Shawn's graduation was inspiring. We hung out at the PX for family day, and he had a nice large latte---the first one since August 25! Liberto and I checked into a hotel that first night. The second night, after graduation, the three of us left Columbia and drove to Newport News. We checked into a hotel. Shawn stayed in his own room, the first time he was alone since August 25. He really craved some space. Being with a bunch of guys 24/7 can get on a soldier's nerves. We had a nice dinner at a restaurant. In Boot Camp, they make the guys eat everything in 3 minutes, so Shawn enjoyed having a real meal that lasted a whole half an hour. I couldn't finish mine, so he took mine to his room for an evening snack. The next day, we got up late, ate lunch, went to see 2012, and by then, it was time to drop Shawn at Fort Eustis. Liberto and I started back that evening, but he was too tired to go all the way, so we stopped in Lumberton, NC. We returned to Savannah by 11 a.m. Sunday.

Back to everyday life. This work week has been draining. Every job has it's pro's and con's. All I know is that right now, I feel very burned out.

My boy toy will be 50 next month on Dec. 30. Derek was surprised that Liberto will "only" be 50. Said Derek, "Now that I'm close to the big 4-0 myself, I figured Liberto must be about 90 now because I'm so used to thinking of him as much older than me." I'm going to reserve a restaurant downtown and invite all Liberto's friends. He loves the idea and is all for it.